My thoughts on and off

2008-07-15T10:23:00.001-07:00

2007-10-25T11:44:00.000-07:00

Well we just returned from France, tomorrow is my last day of work (yeah!) and our baby is doing fine...
In other news - the Dream Act was not approved in the Senate... this makes me very sad. VERY sad. I am sure that the U.S. policies will be listed against us on the day of judgement. Okay maybe I shouldn't be SO extreme... but to deny children who were truly obeying their parents! Where is the motivation help us youth workers have now for these youth we work with who would have been covered by this Act? Two years of college they would need to complete... Citizenship is motivating!

2007-09-10T12:31:00.000-07:00

God IS Good...

I have a great number of friends who don't really think so... They have been hurt - BIG time! And they blame God... and you know something? I can't blame them one bit. It seems like for all intensive purposes things went the wrong way and no-one is to blame.
And then there are times when things go REALLY well. Who do we attribute that to? The stock market? world economies? my boss? it was just a good day?
I'd like to think that even in the good times and when we experience the good things - it too is God. He gets pinned with the bad - why not the good too?

Lately I have had allot to be thankful for!
Scott and I are expecting a little boy in December! We just bought a new home - right across the street - and around 13% less then what was originally asked for. These things are HUGE - life changing actually! I am very excited about both.
There are small things, too! The house was built in the past 10 years - so no HUGE remodels. Friends have been giving us their slightly used baby furniture and toys. We had loads of help moving out of our 3rd story apt.

And then there are the lessons I know I have had on my "to-do list" for a lifetime and now they are coming up: My inability to take it easy, my need to always be moving around. These are slightly the same... okay maybe they are completely the same!
Moving has brought this issue out in glaring ways... as has my brand new cankles! Yes the joys of pregnancy! But that should just be a sign to me to - take it easy.
Everyone is saying - relax, take it easy, etc. And it is hard to hear. It is not inherent to sit. I want to walk - do - be busy. I think my first lesson in Motherhood maybe this one.
Taking care of baby C-Mc at this present time means to stop. Take more naps. Work a little less. Breathe deeply more. Read another book.
Belly/House picture in the next issue!

2007-07-18T12:19:00.000-07:00

While I don't blog as often as I'd like to - I do read quite a few blogs of note.

Many of the ones I read - you probably do too.

One that caught my attention the other day on the scrolling sign-in page was one entitled "Assimilated Negro" - and I thought - WHAT?

As in this will be an interesting read - if not sarcastic and light.

And it has been! Check it out for yourself.

He delves into light comedy and then into real racial stuff - some of the comments people leave make me really come to realize how far America has YET to come in terms of real reconciliation and how deep racism still is! YIKES.

My favorite of the week is featuring the comic strip about Asian Americans. That is the comic at the beginning of my blog! From "new" artist Tak Toyoshima [SecretAsianMan]

Quality humor and more...

2007-06-22T07:06:00.000-07:00

I have been having a really BAD few days.
I realise for others my days aren't nearly NEARLY as bad as theirs...
So rather then complain I am going to do my best at Psalm 78.

God has been good!
He has blessed me with great friends who are SO excited for us when they hear my news.
He has delivered me from a really sucky job and into one where I am challenged.
He has brought my into a dark place that has been filled with light - 29 years in the making!
And the kids won't stop borrowing games!
He has blessed me with gifts and hardships that have turned into gifts.
He has blessed my rigid mouth with flexibility to pronounce difficult Spanish words.
He has given ME the pink slip to 2 cars! The gurls are thankful for that 2!
He has blessed my mom and then me with NO "ability" to get sick easily ;)
He has given me a wonderful family that is just interested in me.

WOW - now that I started I don't want to stop... that is good que no?
God IS good!

2007-06-07T06:54:00.000-07:00

We have been studying racial reconciliation with the gurlz this past quarter. It has been hard - not all of them have chosen to come - for social reasons. My prayer is that even the studies they attend will sink deep and really be taken to heart.

So this is inspired by Paul (Galatians 2:26-29) and Michele (thanks for bringin it last night):

'Denaians:
You are all sons and daughters of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all of you who were baptized into Christ and have put on Christ each day when you wake up.
There is neither Black nor Brown, Villa Boy or Pepper Street, male not female, SSP or NLS, for you are all the same in Christ Jesus.
If you belong to Christ, then you are in Abraham's Crew and will inherit so much more then Paris ever will.

I have this picture when I pray for our city of Mercy raining down. And I want more for these youths then for them to avoid having bible study on our street because of the violence threatening them! What will they remember about this summer? Who will be the ones to step up and take hold the Power of One? TO unite our neighborhood - not keep it apart. To see others as inspirations, and not as a cause for accusations.

The plan is to take a Jericho approach to a prayer meeting for next Wed. It would be great to still do this. Please pray for protection for next week. And that the walls crash by God's power and might - not by ours!

2007-04-06T22:02:00.000-07:00

Please Pray for us!!!
We are in need of your prayers this weekend, we are travelling to Oakland for a short but eventful Spring Break Trip with the youth.
Pray for that the youth experience God.
Pray for travelling mercies
Pray for the leaders energy levels and health!
Many thanks!
~Sara

2007-04-03T08:11:00.000-07:00

Ethnic Identity

How people describe themselves and see themselves makes a difference when interacting with others. I found in myself this intense shame when attempting to speak Spanish to a neighbor and totally screwing up - while being observed by a Caucasian friend.
I don't think this is a right emotion in me and I am trying to figure out where it came from/What it means. I usually feel alright with my neighbors screwing up spoken Spanish. I need to learn. But something in me feels ashamed...
Maybe because I am Latina. No for sure. But how my emotions interact with all of the complexities is what is hard. Not all Latinos speak Spanish. But somewhere in the back of my mind they should in order to be "real". I think this is an ongoing struggle being Latina in Christ.
I am reading Orlando Crespo's book. I highly recommend it! It touches on this - among other things.
Also I want to be happy for and not begrudge others for speaking Spanish well. I want everyone I know to love, know and appreciate my neighbors, Latinos and the beautiful language Spanish is! But I think others judge me because I am judgeing myself... Not that they are AT ALL!
I need to daily go to God for this indetity thing that HE provides me. That is part of the ethnic journey as well.

2007-03-08T06:55:00.000-08:00

SO - We have been studying Social Justice with the Girls these days.

It has been fun - and challenging! Fun because they get it - partly because it is an inherent value from growing up how they have - immigrant parents, social class, race - they understand the subtleties.

But it is fun to present it in a twisty way - Mean Girls and all! Nice job Karen on the study last night. Here is a picture from it! And my plug, too, for your advocacy on behalf of the Ethiopian Coffee Farmers. Take your picture with a sign that says "I support Ethiopian Coffee Farmers" - like we did and send it to: action@oxfamamerica.org

Please pray for our girls...
There is a lose of interest in Bible Study all together. Not sure what it is exactly but here are a few options/realities: Age, busy-ness from school, school activities, friends, lack of interest, mothers are sick, parents won't let them come.

2007-02-07T17:03:00.000-08:00

I have been studying the lives of the people in Luke 1 & 2.
You have Elisabeth, Zachariah, Mary, Joseph, John the Baptist and Jesus.
All are really different... but there are parallels.

Interesting things I found in no particular order:
1. Mary and Joseph still weren't married when Jesus was born.
2. Elisabeth hid in her house until she was "showing" (my interpretation) - it says something like 5 months...
3. E & Z were pretty darn old parents.
4. JB was able to live without having to take care of E & Z as they were most likely dead by the time he went forth into the desert. Does anyone know how old he was when he became a desert dweller?
5. Jesus never sinned (assumption based on?) but when he wasn't in the caravan away from the city he didn't "really" get grounded for making J & M run all the way back - 3 days later.
6. Jesus was obedient to them after...

All this being said.... How does my relationship with my parents differ and how is it similar?
Does following God (and under what guise) mean you stay back in the temple - and not communicate with your care taker to let them know you will be staying behind...
I would have gotten busted for that prank Jesus pulls... What is going on here?
And how were both of these men "released" to go forth and be desert dwellers and demon-caster-out-ers?
Yes I remember later how Jesus' mother and brothers and sisters acted... His whole town!
But in the early days of their ministries what did they face?
Jesus here in Luke 2 is in his youth... 12 I think. Sure maybe people were more mature back in the day. Mary was pregnant at like 13 with Jesus.
Did Jesus and JB ever long for their parents to tell them: You are released... I believe in you...
I KNOW this happens when JB baptises Jesus... And Z even prophecies about JB.

I guess what I am trying to say - it would be great to feel that my parents believed in me. For them to listen to a situation at work and just say, "Wow - you really are a good inspector. You are standing up to those guys and that takes allot of courage. I am proud of you." or "Your ministry sounds amazing. Those girls must be growing in God."
Or for them to confirm my identity.
My heavenly Father did this for me this weekend!
I had the chance to have lunch with some amazing people at Abner and Molly's place on Saturday. It was restful - and we networked a little. Usually when I do that I am exhausted afterwards!
But the conversations I had with everyone made me feel included into God's plan for Latino students in Los Angeles and affirmed me as a Latina.
Do you know HUGE that was for me?
So big.
I had prayed several very specific prayers along those lines many many many times!!!
So I want to praise God for His affirmation of ME.
He clearly said to me - I made you ON purpose.
I guess I really really needed the outside confirmation of a piece of that - that was more specific then anything I had ever experienced.
Thanks Orlando!

2007-02-01T13:36:00.000-08:00

Somebody please tell me that this would have ended differently if the teens who were assaulted weren't white... And the teens who "did" it weren't black? Please.

2007-02-01T13:27:00.000-08:00

Tyra at 5'11 and 162 pounds is FAT? I don't think so. Here is her interview with ABC and some pictures, too.
Neither does she - Yeah! Tyra is one of my heroes!
I am very happy being me - my size, my frame.
We all should be. I really like what Tyra does with her status to promote these thoughts among young women.
You go girl.

2007-01-22T07:13:00.000-08:00

Lots going on in my head...
Where to start?
Forgiveness and understanding are important.
Feeling uncomfortable with facts and relationships is sometimes a good thing!
To be truly reconciled to someone do you NEED all the information? OR can there be a grace that fills the void - whatever that void/space consists of?
I think yes... I used to gossip ALLOT! Mostly in HS I guess. I know me. If I don't need to know - please - have the conversation elsewhere!
I guess I want God to cover those colors I am seeing people in right now.
Grace - what color is grace?
The Color of Water

Grace to me (in this instance) is allowing you to be you and me to not stand in your way.
EVEN when I just don't get it!
True understanding cannot happen until we feel uncomfortable.

At the NWN end-of-the-month time last year we met at a very giving and resource-full church in Pasadena. The classroom they let us rent happened to NOT be the one we usually get.
Needless to say we were two doors down from an adult bible study class (or the equivalent). When we were done with our meeting and leaving we got some flack from the teacher/leader guy in that classroom.
Now - if you know NWN you can imagine to scene upon leaving. Youths running back and forth between entrance and exit, etc. Being loud because they haven't gotten to for the last hour. Which is APPROPRIATE behavior for their stage in life! Especially Jr HS and Freshman boys. And Jr HS girls - they scream... not appropriate just annoying...
So when this leader came out to shush us - it REALLY bothered me!

To exist in your little classroom my friend you shut the door and keep us out.
But the reality of it ALL - you need us for the full understanding of the gospel.
You need to feel uncomfortable for 5 minutes while we walk out of here.
It is an important message you are sending - but the WRONG one.
You can't help being white - but you can help what you say when you poke your head out of your door! Is it the same reason you live SOUTH of these youth that you poke your head out?
Do you love them - and that's why you are shushing them?
Do you fear for them - that by running back and forth they are going to hurt themselves?
Or are you worried that your meeting is being disturbed for 5 minutes.
We JUST entered this hallway - sir.
Do we make you uncomfortable?
Do you know your are missing out because you are unwilling to feel messy?
Please - close the door. I don't trust you around my youths. God's youths!
These youths belong to God. Please think about that and how you can help them know they are valued by their community.
If they just see you shushing them - how will they know?
Don't just be another face...
And have some grace... for these little ones.

I WISH I could have said that to him. He just pulled his head back into his room.
I told one of mine, "I trust you - not him. Please just be a little quieter and we can be loud when we are down stairs. You did a good job listening during our meeting. I am proud of you."

God has given us a promise... for people to be reconciled. Can that happen across generations when we don't even see it across racial lines - even in churches? You think that would be easier!
Oh - it is the economic and racial background you see that you don't want to deal with?
Yes - that is messy. But for real understanding and change you have to get dirty!

Mary and Elisabeth were given babies by God. Promises that grew inside of them - how beautiful is that! Both equally unbelievable! How they must have rejoiced when they grew large... how beautiful they must have looked! Did anyone see them? How much did they have to hide? That's why I really like Elisabeth's revelation (Luke 1:45) - Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished!
In a loud voice!

God has promised us many things - directly to us! Why not this sort of grace!
Do we forget Luke 1:45 because our religion is to patriarchal? Whatever.
He has made a covenant with us, and wants us to be reconciled with one another. I saw that guy yesterday. My youth was with us, too. I pray he receives from God and is a good teacher to his class and that his classroom prospers... but that the sounds from the outside make him just uncomfortable enough that he pursues it beyond the shush, and to the person and true understanding. True grace.

Sir- what color is grace?
Does it change depending on your mood, your zip code, your bible study lesson?

2007-01-15T06:57:00.000-08:00

Suprise!
This one harder to handle...
Try not to be shocked. Really.
Almost 4 years... maybe less.
Which ones? How long? Now... still?
Other factors. Not pressured by peers.
You did this just to do it.
Judgement - then and now.
Bad reasons.
Why?
I am deeply sad... Could I have seen this?
6th graders... 6th graders!
I am not upset at the lies.
Just wish I could have seen them - THEN.
God has taken care - He has!
Thanks for your care - your honesty - even 3 years later.
No just a few months later?
More shock - don't show it.
Thankfulness. You are my sister, too!
I love you so much!

How many others will this happen to, too?

2007-01-10T07:40:00.000-08:00

How many times in the past few months have a begun a new post!?
Work has really been weighing me down...
Had a vacation - went to TJ with church. Very impactful. Cute kids...
Many observations... Psalm 10. Jericho. Prayer walks with Tina Williams!
Lots to think abot.
Social Justice. Beautitudes.
Blogging in lists... I like it.
Thinking about Hawaii for Dara's wedding - in July! already.
Quit practicing and start doing!
God give me confidence and HEAR my Psalm 10 and 55.

2006-12-05T14:30:00.000-08:00

And here she is (see previous post) ... like 6 years ago! Thanks Tom!

2006-11-28T21:11:00.000-08:00

Prayers
We have been studying prayer - how to pray, what happens when you do it, and how that makes you feel. It has been AMAZING to see the transformation in these girls' lives!
I am so excited!
One will be sharing soon - publically - and I was so nervous to ask her! But my prayer (for myself) is to hear God's voice. And during prayer with her I felt something that said: Ask her to share! I asked her and she said yes!
Her one thing: for God to increase her faith.
Praise Him for increasing, for the mustard seed, and for faith that does move trees to the sea...

2006-10-30T07:43:00.000-08:00

Confidence:
In High School it was always a real drag to be overlooked by the guys... I know I wasn't the only one... But maybe I am still the only one of whom it still bothers - bothered I should say.

October 7th was my 10 year class reunion!
I was freaking out about it before hand - what to wear - how to style my hair, etc. And I thought about why... who cares! I hated High School! I dated a few guys, a got good grades, I had a few good friends. But I was miserable - outside of the classroom. Why did I really want to go back to face - them! I did want to show off my beautiful husband! That was fun... so was seeing my BF Nikki (in the picture with her hubby).
I prayed allot about this whole High School situation. I KNOW that what happened to me in HS may have happened to other women. And I knew that my hurt would not be truly healed by comments said to me at the reunion by men. I knew before I went that God needed to speak to those still bruised areas in my heart.
These issues for me went deeper then a date... they related to having brown eyes, hair and skin. They related to my size in relation to the other girls... things that maybe at a different HS wouldn't have stuck out so much! But there is a purpose in my going to THAT HS - and not another. Maybe I would have experienced the same thing somewhere else. Maybe.
But before I went God did show me that He saw those places in my heart... He cried with me... And He loved me and made me Sara. And He doesn't make mistakes!

Then when all those still-boy-men gave me compliments - cause you know I looked hot right? - I was able to genuinely say "Thank You" - and not have it mean the world. Only that I did in fact look good - something I KNOW! ;)

2006-09-21T08:14:00.000-07:00

Flowers tell a girl she is girly, she smells better then the flower itself, and that she deserves extras like flowers in her life. They aren't necessary - but they break the ice on first dates. They welcome beauty queens to walk. There is a great power in the gift of them.
I really wonder what lies under that - there could be more - but these are just my ponderings... and observations!
Scott and one of the boys brought all the girls, last night at bible study, yellow roses. They let us know they appreciated us and wanted us to have a good school year. All the girls were melting into "awes" - it was fun and intimate to see the looks on their faces...
When the males had left the room one of them commented that it was only the second time someone had brought her flowers... she was talking to the roses as she set them away from where we would be having study.
Later on one of the other boys asked if they could have one! And even tried confessing they were really girls - in order to get a flower!
I was touched by the love of my husband for these girls... demonstrated in such a simle and tangible way. And his love for the guy he brought along!
There are appropriate ways for guys and girls to show friendship -philo- love for one another. There are not enough opportunities for father-type figures in our community to appropriately show love.
I am overjoyed that Scott took one such opportunity! And modeled it...
The gift goes on.

2006-09-12T07:00:00.000-07:00

EDUCATION

Yesterday I took some of my next door neighbors to the library... It was our second outing together, my third in the last 3 months. I want to introduce this experience to them and hoped it would encourgae them to read - for their mom to help them to read - so they could do better in school!
But yesterday I was really disappointed. One child I took couldn't get thru one page of three sentences about the letter "j" and the sound it makes. The page mostly had j's on it, the same sounding words, etc. He just didn't want to read it - was distracted - didn't care - I dunno. I was impatient - not with him - but the situation! Each summer I invite this family to the Summer Program, during the year to Ready-2-Read... I tell their mom - He needs to read more.
Even over the summer he had more patience... I know it is like the 3rd day of school. But a 1st grader should be able to make it that far - this was a relatively basic book. I ended up reading the book to him and he helped me finish pages, etc.
I want my neighbors to value education... to take THEIR kids to the library. To read with their kids - even just page thru books they borrow from me with them. Something. I realize that I am assuming alot there. But I have seen in this child the capacity for more - and the need for him to be pushed. NOT pulled like I felt I was doing at the library.

You can lead a horse to water...
But I can pray... Physics says that this child may not do well in first grade, that his mom may not push him to do his homework everyday, that they may move at the end of the month. But God is not limited by Physics.
... God help this horse to learn to drink.

2006-08-31T06:51:00.000-07:00

Communication...
How do you positively communicate to people?
How do you just plain do it?
I am having trouble lately being understood. I don't think it is a matter of language or emotion or even semantics. It is in order of thought. I jumble my ideas - I am hard to understand.
A good communicator would go in a logical order: a plus b equals c.
Here is me: Story about the equation... c = a - d oh wait no d plus b.
See what I mean!
I can see this most at work - but since everything there is argued to death it works itself out in the end.
I can also see this with the girls in Bible Study. This is where that is a problem... I want to get to the place where I don't need to worry about that at all! That God pushes thru that place - and affects them - that's the point anyhow! He uses imperfect people. Holy cow how imperfect is the way I talk?
Grace covers the communication part. There is so much to this subject for me - so more thoughts to come!
:)

2006-08-23T08:27:00.000-07:00

I am addicted to trading my books online. This is troubling... I think I just really like clear shelf space and realizing how many books I have read. It is kinda like in 2nd grade where you had a pin and got small stickers to put on it - and when it was full you took it to Pizza Hut and got a personal pan pizza in exchange. I was probably the kid who didn't want to give it up - it equaled accomplishment man!

2006-08-15T07:23:00.000-07:00

While I am joyful at the cease fire agreement, I am angered and sad about the recent reports - just yesterday... the declarations of victory and of defeat. The Zionist Christian movements, etc. I am ashamed to be a believer when someone is pushing that idea in the name of Christianity! Did Jesus speak more of peace, or of hate? I am sad... and praying for peace, for the families whose children and still being destoyed by US-sent-cluster bombs.
Meanwhile these pictures are amazing of the destruction and here is a cool description of the marches in DC for peace.

2006-08-10T12:29:00.000-07:00

I was looking for Reggae Music - but I found this instead. I like KPFK much more then NPR. More grass roots... I dunno. This program I have linked you to is called "Soul Rebel Radio" - It is radio by youth for youth. The first segment is about college experiences, the second is about the prision systems (frightening stats), etc. Maybe this can be a good thing for Martin, the first one. Anyways this is very interesting (about a year old) - but there are 4, 30 minute episodes. If you click on my link choose the program (Soul Rebel Radio) from the list of archives.

2006-08-08T12:49:00.000-07:00

I dunno what I like more... the neccessity for the free pass or the "goverment sponsored" speed dating.

2006-08-02T06:41:00.000-07:00

Junior Staff and Vacation...

Wow - has this summer flown by or What? Maybe "or what" is the better phrase here.
I am tiered this morning from adjusting back to life. Scott and I went to Mexico all last week. It was wonderful to relax - even when going out of doors was impossible from the offshore hurricane. We did it anyways and walked in the knee-deep water that ahd accumulated on the streets. I will (really) post some of these photos. But we did get several days of sun and I came home with a good tan.

I have had the privildge of leading the Jr. Staff team of 6 wonderful youth this summer along with Charlie! She has really done the day-to-day stuff. I mostly just checked in with her, and lead the youth in the "7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens" book... We only made it thru Habit 1. BUT if they can master this then that's cool.
It was fun to watch them go thru the questions the workbook presented to them - ponder the greater mysteries of being proactive. For almost all of them this was a new word, or a word only used in passing by their mentor. Many of the activities called into question their attitude about themseleves and the things that "happened TO them." The learned about the circle of control - and their human tool box of Willpower, Imagination, Conscience and Self-Control.
At the end of each section there was a Baby-Step challenge presented to them - their favorite was: the next time someone flips you off give them the peace sign.
It was challenging for me as well to think about the habits handed down to me by my parents as they were challeneged to do the same. I really want these youth to be able to move beyond High School, be the first to go to college, change their neighborhood.
One chapter from one book may not be the key - but I hope that as a team or a village we can encourage and come alongside their lives and when they are open to it we can nudge them on the path they see ahead of them - that they want.

2006-07-10T07:25:00.000-07:00

Recently one of the gurlz reposted on her myspace bulletin-thang a posting that was really questionable - considering her age...

I asked her about it and what she thought it was communicating to others... How if she is a daughter of God and other people look up to her what those gurls would think. If you have a playboy bunny icon all over your page what will others think?

Maybe it doesn't matter - or you don't care... that's cool with me... But I want you to think. Thinking requires you to stop before you hit reply or cut and paste. Being proactive in a sense.
Having a provocative picture on your page of yerself is fine with me - that's none of my business. Keep it on there. But the message you give is loud and clear. To me that message is you in fact don't care. Or you don't mind. I wish sometimes I could be that care free. But allot of people question my intentions and I want to be a role model for these youths' around me.

So when I questioned these gurls - I was encouraged that they would be open to me - they trust me - and open to thinking. Even if they continue to post those things or continue to keep the photos, etc. I said it once... these next times I will just be disappointed - but not manipulative.

2006-06-27T06:46:00.000-07:00

More thanksgivings...

I want to be able to see the things around me in a new fresh way - not because it is the summertime or even a convenient time to do this. But I think more so because it is right...

A friend gave and handed out freely gardenias today... the smell is beautiful...
The water on the pavement this morning smelled like cool rain had just left...
The asphalt truck parked on site smelled like they are still laying asphalt-type material on the roof still... (somethings don't change).

Please pray for Jacob, Charlie & I as we interview the potential Jr. Staffers for the Summer Program! We do have to make some cuts... so pray for understanding as I am afraid that no matter how much we do some may feel misunderstood or unfairly treated.

2006-06-20T06:38:00.000-07:00

I have allot to be thankful for...
As the end of the school year draws to a close this week I am thankful for many many things that I rarely have taken the time to give thanks before for...

This past year for me has been one of leading other leaders and taking more of a leadership role in NWN. That has come with mixed emotions and blessings. I am now an older member though younger then many, too. I don't feel like I have been there or have any amount of knowledge more then others, just that God is there and present in my life...
Yesterday Clarry shared with me various events that played out for her. I am thankful for her frankness and honest with me - even when her brothers had told me (and the whole apt complex) ALL that happened before she could in the privacy of my living room. Thankful for Ely who volunteered to be brave when I wasn't feeling it! Thankful for Jackie and her listening ear - and how she cared for me when I needed it! All of those things are recent... and I wasn't looking for those things to happen. They did those things on their own... I just was blessed by them.

The year has been full of those memories of the gurls just being themselves... Esme calming the group down with her leadership skillz... Charlie stepping up and leading the group. Ana facing her fears. Reyna being open to my hard words for her. I am just overwhelmed with God's goodness to our group...

2006-06-15T12:36:00.000-07:00

Some days work is awesome... I like my job and people treat me with the respect I am giving them, too. Other days are like today... In which I overhear people making comments about my ass. Great! I want to be here... now...

2006-06-05T07:18:00.000-07:00

Well I have been pondering my thoughts (what else does one ponder?) on how to respond to the last comment I received... Some clever rebuttal, etc. But I have concluded that sometimes no matter how hard you try convincing someone else of your opinion just doesn't work...
SO rather then try and convince my commenter I will tell you just what I think. Right or wrong - isn't that all of ours' judgments?

A point made: If someone is a rape-ist does that contend that their son or daughter will be also? Well I think that all tendencies in life or sins of the father can be overcome or yes - handed down. It is the generation after to decide... For instance a child who is abused will need allot of counseling (dependent of the abusive nature we'll assume) to not do this in their own life. This is a generalization. But aren't those easier to make?

Either way - Mr. Arnold has done little in terms of policy to NOT support the theory thrown out by the producer of my poster - which again is an interpretation of a quote from the LA Times.

A quote can be smashed and mashed to conform, etc. To make it fit - out of context, etc. Maybe next time we should all do more research...
Until I have the time I will do other things that pull my brain power. Please prove me other wise!

2006-05-02T18:21:00.000-07:00

The March was AWESOME!

I have never been in a place when I have seen that many of MY people - not only representing but speaking out and up and waving American Flags!
There were flags from all over South America. There were signs of protest and demands!
It was beautiful.
It was a strange sight - to walk down the street alongside my brothers and sisters - full of life and voice! And then look up and see the buildings along Broadway - so delapidaded and dead looking - falling apart and broken down.
My sign said, "Arnold Says: 'It is unfair to have all these people coming across and have the border open the way it is.' LA Times April 20, 2005. Schwarzenegger Son of a Nazi" it was awesome and I got allot of pictures taken of me. I bought it from this group. They have a cool website.

My pictures are all on my phone. Several are good and I will post them here when I figure out how! Viva la Raza.

2006-04-28T08:13:00.000-07:00

Please boycott any products made by Kimberly Clark [KLeenex, Huggies, Kotex, Scott, Viva, Pullups etc. ] there is a connection there to Rep. F James Sensebrenner -author of HR 4437.

2006-04-26T16:07:00.000-07:00

Last night I couldn't sleep - AT all...
It was horrible to just lay there... ALOT is on my mind. I am not sure how much needs to be and much of it has to do with my voice.
I feel like I have lost it - not being able to communicate effectively or have people listen to my point of view.
It is not that I have a cold! Not at all... BUT the issue is deeper then the past few weeks.

There are many issues that since my test is over I have had more time emotionally to give to the issues... is this a good thing or not? That's what I am confused about... reguardless I keep thinking about various things some are not so deep at all:

Getting a facial with Charlie
Work - and if I am doing it correctly (I have been posting reports and it sucks!)
The girls and who will mentor who in the Fall, and summer and right now (more importantly)
The furniture in my house (everything is breaking)
My relationship with my mom
Immigration and May 1st
May 6th
Homelessness (sp?)
MySpace
Keeping in touch with old college/HS friends
Loseing Weight

Yeah I know some of them are petty! But I really want to blog some more - get my voice out there even if no one hears / agrees / understands / minds!
When you externally process just about everything it is hard not to blog some days!
Thanks...

2006-04-11T13:00:00.000-07:00

"UN DÍA SIN INMIGRANTES"

"Comunidades latinas de Los Ángeles confirman:
1º de Mayo 2006. PARO NACIONAL GENERAL DE LABORES EN ESTADOS UNIDOS
"Un día sin Inmigrantes" /REF"
Por el reconocimiento a su Derecho al
Trabajo, a la Educación de sus hijos e hijas y
a Servicios Médicos.
¡¡Los Migrante son Trabajadores y
quienes los apoyan, No son Criminales!!
¡¡Contra el Muro que se pretende construir
entre EUA y México!!

Ningún Migrante trabajará ese día en EE.UU. y nos solicitan a las y los mexicanos que vivimos en México…
¡¡NO COMPRAR, NO CONSUMIR, NO USAR, NINGÚN PRODUCTO ESTADOUNIDENSE
EL 1º DE MAYO!!!
No Mc Donalds, Burguer King, Starbucks, Crispy Cream, Subway, TGI Fridays, Blockbuster, Cinemark, Radio Shack, Dave and Busters etc. Hoteles como el Sheraton, Westin o el Hilton, supermercados como Wall Mart o 7 Eleven, no viajar en Continental, United, American Airlines, Panam etc.; no ir ese dia a su banco City Bank, ni utilicen DHL o FEDEX, entre otros.
No vean Canales de TV como: Sony entretainment, American Network, Fox, Warner Chanel, ESPN, NFL, Network, MTV, solo noticieros y canales culturales o de películas.

2006-04-03T13:13:00.000-07:00

With studying so much I feel as if I have missed out on allot of protests!
I am proud of the youth who left there classrooms to voice their opionions!

I really don't even understand the bill and where it is... so if anyone has links etc. that would be helpful - send thme my way!
I was able to find the actually stuff from the Library of Congress - whcih outlines the dollar amount to be spent - over the next years in emplimenting the bill.
This whole thing is scary to me... I cannot even imagine how the families around us are REALLY feeling. And people wonder WHY the marches have been so BIG?

2006-03-30T08:08:00.000-08:00

Sara's wearing new shoes (stomp-stomp)

Hear them walk (stomp-stomp-stomp)

Hear them talk (stomp-stomp-stomp)

Sara's wearing new shoes!

Several weeks ago (now) I went to Walnut Creek for my last study class before my exam. That night I got to visit with my sister Vanessa! It was fun to catch up and really have a nice visit with her. I felt it was a rare opportunity to do this. We are both really busy / talk really fast and in detail at times... or always....
She shared with me that she is having the same foot problem my mom has - and turns out I am developing as well! Yucky and painful and and endless source of conversation - this blog entry is a testament to this. Maybe we are more alike then I think! During our conversation I lamented over the fact that when I shoe shop the conversation goes something like this,

Me: Hello

Saleslady: Hello

Me: Do you carry any size 11's?

Saleslady: (With a weird look down towards my feet): No-ah!

And I leave frustrated and not at all surprised!

So I tell my sister all of this and she feels sorry for me (which is only half the reason why I tell the story the other half is that I am truly frustrated) - but I think nothing of this fact. I don't tell the story to manipulate people into DOING something about the fact that I have HUGE feet. What can anyone do if I tried this tactic?
BUT my beautiful and dear sister went out the next day and experienced what I experience... but she being my beautiful and charismatic-ly gifted sales-woman sister came up with gold!
Actually a new pair of shoes - for ME! :)
And they FIT! And I would have NEVER bought this pair of shoes for myself either.
So not only do I feel great in these shoes (my first women's tennis shoes in maybe 8 years) - BUT I feel lavished by my sister and God's gifts! These shoes maybe plastic and leather to some... but to me they were a really timely and great gift.

My sister may have opposite views them me on politics, time, and our parents but she gives good gifts and I really appreciate this part of her Nessa-ness!

2006-03-14T14:15:00.000-08:00

I REALLY wanna go here.
I really struggle to try and live simply... I go shopping and I really feel badly...
So I think about going to really nice restaurants like this one...
I guess if I can save then we could go... Did I say I like to go shopping?
Not to like browse - reference the Lopez-Salinas' - THEY can shop!
I buy. I don't look for the best price I just buy it. I may wait until I have a coupon...

But really - I confess to coveting after the Pottery Barn Catalogue. I have been looking at this votive holder FOREVER! So thanks for reading my confession.

2006-03-07T15:17:00.000-08:00

I feel free...

These days I feel free and I want to desperately hold onto that sense/feeling of freedom.
I have linked the present with the past in such a way that I can now point to things and say, "No way am I gonna own that!" Freedom.

I wouldn't say I am completely there... But my sense of self feels better. I want my esteem to come from within - and be God-centered - as opposed to being dependent on others for affirmation or a reaction! People are always gonna disappoint! And now when they do say something - Cool! I can actually be just appreciative of the compliment instead of wanting more...

Freedom found to just BE in my husbands arms - and not making a to-do list!

This is the freedom I want to savor and keep... quiet.

2006-02-10T08:36:00.000-08:00

I have been trying to come up with a clever post and just plain sharing has taken me in instead... I have been thinking alot about Grace - did you know that we had the U2 song with the same title sung at our wedding? Matt & Rena are no Bono - but it was both beautiful and peaceful all the same!

Grace
by U2
Grace, she takes the blame

She covers the shame

Removes the stain

It could be her name

Grace, it's the name for a girl

It's also a thought that changed the world

And when she walks on the street

You can hear the strings

Grace finds goodness in everything

Grace, she's got the walk

Not on a ramp or on chalk

She's got the time to talk

She travels outside of karma

When she goes to work

You can hear her strings

Grace finds beauty in everything

Grace, she carries a world on her hips

No champagne flute for her lips

No twirls or skips between her fingertips

She carries a pearl in perfect condition

What once was hurt

What once was friction

What left a mark

No longer stings

Because Grace makes beauty

Out of ugly things

Grace makes beauty out of ugly things

I have been seeking from God a covering of some ugly memories - of places I retreat to that are dark and bring feelings of guilt, etc. That way of dealing/coping is not who I am! There is freedom that Grace brings.

I am SO thankful for Gods grace... because (Ephesians 2:1-10) I am "Made Alive in Christ"

1As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, 2in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient.

3All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature[a] and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath.

4But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, 5made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions it is by grace you have been saved.

6And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, 7in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus.

8For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God 9not by works, so that no one can boast.

10For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Thanks for letting me share :)

2006-01-26T13:49:00.000-08:00

Last night's End of the Month was the BEST!

How's that for a title? Well it is... And it was! If you weren't there you missed out. I had fun this time - that is a first - usually I am a bit stressed out. Now if that is because I am pacing my life s=differently - good. But I think allot of it has to do with - more people to pick youth up; and EVERYONE was involved! Delegation was complete. Ahhh - it was beautiful! Even if everything wasn't "perfect" - it rocked! AND I think that was the best "talk" I have heard, too! Thanks Gera! You got the youth involved and up - you related to them - they listened well. Praise God! So thanks to everyone for pitching in and helping out. :)

Some Updates:
I am OFFICIALLY taking my Inspectors Exam in April - the 20th to be exact. SO if you have an event planned for Saturday please just don't even call me because I will SO want to be there and not studying! BUT I only want to have to take a 6 hour exam once... AND I have to take an 8 hour exam in two more years = same test, added structural to the plan reading :( I wish I had two more years of experience.

2006-01-14T20:34:00.000-08:00

Somethings in the NW of Pasadena feel like they have just got to change... and others always do without expecting them to.
Children grow into youth, youth into young adults, young adults get older and become older adults.
It is similar to the John Mayer song, "So fathers, be good to your daughters; Daughters will love like you do; Girls become lovers who turn into mothers; So mothers, be good to your daughters too."

But what happens when there are no fathers?
What gets lost along the way? Who teaches the young men the ego thing machismo - it is already there is it taught by older men? Or by mothers?
What do we as relocaters as people who are trying to bring God's word into these lives around us - what do we say to machismo?
I agree that culture is something to be lifted up and taught and passed down and valued. But are these attitudes apart of that?
Do they fit in with gender reconciliation?

What about the lack of fathers and how that affects the young women?
Who teaches them HOW a man should treat them? Both the young woman and man learn by examples set by their parents, what is said on the TV and music about this. Some of these messages are positive. Many youths are in churches, go thru confirmations are involved in Bible studies on a weekly basis.
How would these youth say they are to treat a girl, be treated by a guy?

John's song above says that the daughters will love like their fathers. I know that this song isn't complete truth... but we do learn alot about how to love others thru our fathers. Women and men.

This week I have been really angry and really sad about how some young men have been treating one another and the young women I know. Mostly disappointed. The youth don't need more women in their lives telling them what to do, but they are gonna have me putting in words no matter what! But what they need are strong men who are sure of their identity, to speak truths about them and about life into their lives.

I am not even sure that this is all that time consumming of a thing. A little goes a long way. Words spoken can be of such great value. Words unspoken remain.

2006-01-06T07:10:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!

yeah - I KNOW today is like the 6th right? But I was hanging out with a very dear friend from college (and beyond) and telling her about this past year. Relating with her all the things that God has done for me was really refreshing!! I want to tell you all too how God has been SO good to me in 2005! I KNOW that 2006 will be even better because of 2005!
In college there were breaks between things - when the quarter ended you took time to reflect on what God was doing in your life, etc. You called-in / logged-in for your grades the minute they were issued. You celebrated that you actually passed with a Credit in a C/NC class!
As post-college adults what do we do? Maybe we don't take the time to do this anymore... OR as regularly... unless you have a blog? Even then....

God has shown himself to me by answering numerous prayers...

> For a break thru in my stubbornness
> For a sweeter time of connection with my husband
> For meaningful friendships with women my own age
> For actually boundaries with my mother
> For a conversation with my sister

> For a situation at my workplace that nearly destroyed me. That had the potential to bring destruction on ALL levels - in ALL my relationships. God has brought me thru THAT! I have seen Him redeem those things:
>My marriage
>My effectiveness/authenticity as a leader for the young women
>My boldness in praying for myself and others - with them and for them and over them
>Praying in tongues
>My lack of respect for men
>My respect for myself

>For my nuts-o schedule that I am cutting down even more this next year! :)
>For a mind that can remember useless pieces of information: like accessibility requirements for the swing of a door (min. 32" clear in a full 90 degree opening)
>For a complete confidence that doubts regularly in God - being strong in Grace
>For angels that surprises me each morning when they scurry away quickly
>For my ability to be quicker then those angels
>For an ability to listen and decipher God's voice and distinguish it from the other voices
>For a finally full house and complete home
>For an ability to NOT be a friend to the girls
>For energy without coffee
>For a gifting for teaching that is completely God-given
>For patience with the things I have FINALLY realized are out of my control
>For peace that God would answer those prayers and let me see them!

My prayer for this next year: that I wouldn't get sick as much as I got sick last year!
My New Years resolution: To stick to my budget.
What prayers has God answered of yours this year?

2006-01-03T08:20:00.000-08:00

The Forest Home pictures - Not all of them loaded - sad am I!

I liked Ruth's blog about the google search for "Ruth needs" so I did a "Sara needs"
I won't post but a few...

Sara needs a Caesarean Section.
Sara needs all those forms to insure that all MARS meeting requests can be made.
Sara needs desperate advice.
Sara needs help.
...Apparently!

2006-01-02T19:20:00.000-08:00

Miguel & Jackie?

2006-01-02T19:17:00.000-08:00

Ernie & Julio

2006-01-02T19:16:00.000-08:00

Esmerelda made cash for getting in the fountain!

2005-12-13T20:46:00.000-08:00

FORREST HOME

Well what can I say? Another fun Winter Camp at Forrest Home... I will post pictures when I can... I am sick and I think so are Jackie & Ernie - but we really had a blast!
The girls did alot of straitening out of boys' curly hair - and it way my first time using a hair presser, but really whose counting? I love doing these girly things for the first time with them actually!
This year we went with Lake Ave. only. Lake Ave was able to rent out the whole facility by itself. SO the whole weekend the camp staff asked the youth, "So what church are you from?" Funny stuff! My voice was hoarse from yelling...

On Saturday night the youth were faced with the Prodigal Son: Which son are you? The two youth pastors intertwined their messages/testimonies for a really amazing "sermon". I was convicted. The youth we asked to stay if they wanted to make a descion - come home or realize they had been with Jesus that whole time and He has more for them. The girls' didn't really connect with either one, but agreed they wanted more of God in their lives.
I waited around and prayed for the other groups that night while they were chatting... after the few had left from our group. And one came back... It had to have been the best conversation I have yet to have with this youth. She really opened up. Shared. We both cried. I want things to be DIFFERENT for her. For there to be change. For others to notice she is changing... Am I enough? NO way - but God is...

I daily ask to see Gods power in their lives... What kind of sacrifice does this require? Something like in 2 Tim 1 & 2? Or just daily prayer for it? Are there many formulas... Is this on my part or on their own? When concepts are like so forgein at times how can this be made more concrete?
God help my unbelief...

Even just last Wed at study we prayed for 3 others - in the room - for 5 min each. It was really powerful. But I want to see this each day in my prayers - to hear things from God for these young women. And for the basics to be met - by God - for them! The issues that are there are passed on, descions made by one and discrouaged are repeated. God break these patterns, too!

2005-12-12T09:49:00.000-08:00

Your Hair Should Be Purple

Intense, thoughtful, and unconventional.You're always philosophizing and inspiring others with your insights.

What's" Your Funky Inner Hair Color?

2005-12-07T11:08:00.000-08:00

Holiday Cards...
Last year I didn't send them... I wanted to do a picture one - you know with the whole family all in red & green smiling around something snowy...
Maybe this year.
Well at least not sending them is better then what the Bush's did! Maybe they are regretting it... RIGHT! Actually reading the article further - people can really just pick apart anything they darn well please - REALLY! My take is just that they should just be who they are and not try so much to be all things for all people. It just doesn't fit their persona! Here - occupy and harass a country or two in hopes of destroying one or two potentially dangerous people - and we will send out Christmas cards that DON'T violate anyone's human rights.

This year my hopes are set high for the picture cards! So look in your mail box right before Christmas... Peace on Earth & Goodwill towards ALL men!

2005-11-23T13:11:00.000-08:00

It has been a real joy to get to wade thru the slow server myspace is on and try and connect with old high school friends. And the gurlz! My space is weird... But I like it... now I can check on all the strange guys and not so strange ones that are really trying to "get at" the girls... This immediate feedback to them is just so misinterpreted and circular!

I want there to be break in this pattern! I know for me it is HARD not to be completely flattered by a "nice" guy who says "Hey you look nice!" BUT I would like to think that I can judge that comment too for what it is worth.
Teenagers haven't really developed that center in their brain that says, "Hey this may not be what you think it is" = but their heart has all the connections already there. Their heart - both they guys and the gurlz is needing affirmation! And there are no good models of appropriate affirmation - AND for each one affirmation bite they get three or more negative bites are dished out! Those numbers just don't add up - and that is not right.

That's the pattern that I want to see God break in their lives. Period. It makes me really angry and sad...

Maybe it goes back to the whole role model thing... I do think that the more "popular" the person the deeper it could go... ie: Tyra Banks or Ophra - people tell them lots of stuff and they are really trying to do right by those same people. I love these two!
But I have also seen the weirdest strangest lot of people try and love kids genuinely and it works well, too. People who are definitely not "cool" but the kids' standards!
Go figure! I think it is because kids can see right thru all the crap the world is throwing out there!
But then why can't they tell the difference between a compliment for "love" and one that is just genuine... or maybe they can...?

2005-11-21T11:44:00.000-08:00

WOW it has been forever...
ALOT has been happening and alot of my time has been out of the office - out in the field and in different places....
PLUS I was really thinking about how I could respond to you - DDQ...
I was thinking of how I should be clever, etc. But really that's not what it's about... I appreciate your comment - this is what a blog should be - a good banter where people can go back and forth about something and really discuss... otherwise it is just pretty narcissistic - right? SO let me know what you think!

Role Models:
I really do think actually that Simple Plan - they are role models. I was really simply questioning their role as role models - How good of a model are they really? And because I know nothing about them - except that I really enjoyed that song - they maybe they maybe not.

I like to question everyone's role model. We may each have a different one - pick and choose that day or from seasons in our lives they are different. For instance - I really do want my bosses' job - so he is my role model. Until I am the boss and then it is the next guy in line! Whereas in my spiritual life - it is a completely different person. I actually have alot of respect for my boss - in terms of his spiritual choices - but I am not following him there! I would rather try and model my life after another person in that respect.

I know that I try and live good, etc. and that I am a mentor to a few girls in the neighborhood I live. Am I being good role model? Would they look at my life and say, "Yeah - that piece - I want to be like Sara." I actually hope so - that's why I try and be venerable with them... Parts of me I hope no one ever finds out about - let alone try and emulate!
BUT this is an interesting thing - it calls into question how I live altogether - as a whole. There are parts of my life I am working harder to "clean-up" then in others. What is apparent to the girls? What isn't? What will they take away from/remember 10 years from now? Will they at all?
I think to think about that last one maybe again narcissistic... but the others hold me accountable to a higher standard.
I think parents, teachers, neighbors - we are all called to that. We are all role models for someone - and if we aren't in that position we need to examine - who is watching me? People are - do they like what they see?
Who do you want to be when you grow up?

PS: I got a myspace - SCARY!

2005-10-17T07:17:00.000-07:00

Jackie's MySpace has inspired the following post...

SIMPLE PLAN:

Welcome To My Life: "Do you ever feel like breaking down?

Do you ever feel out of place?

Like somehow you just don't belong

And no one understands you

Do you ever wanna run away?

Do you lock yourself in your room?

With the radio on turned up so loud

That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like

When nothing feels all right

You don't know what it's like

To be like me

To be hurt

To feel lost

To be left out in the dark

To be kicked when you're down

To feel like you've been pushed around

To be on the edge of breaking down

And no one's there to save you

No you don't know what it's like

Welcome to my life..."

If you click on the link to Jackie's page you can see the video/hear the song... I like that one guys hair.

I think this song is really deep for obvious reasons... BUT I think it is one that we can use to start conversations with the youth. Now I know not all of them actually like this kind of music. I have heard the ones that like rap, etc. calling the ones who like more Punk music "gay". NOT cool... I think this song is more mainstream...

What does Jesus have to say about the lyrics of the song? What would Jesus say to the guys in Simple Plan? Most of the guys in the band wear T-Shirts that say "Role Model" - Are these guys people you'd pick to be your role model? Why?

Bonus: Did you know that SP also stood for something other then Servant Partners?

2005-10-10T10:34:00.000-07:00

Natural Disasters...

There have been SO many lately!
Earthquake in Pakistan.
Mudslides from Hurricane Stan in S. Mexico & Guatemala.
Hurricane Katrina...
After the Northridge Earthquake (which hit the center of the porno capital of the Valley) people made many conjectures towards prophesies, etc. AND how they affect people. They mostly serve to separate the classes further... Tom has an interesting take on that, too.

What do you make of all the recent ones? I think that we are mostly unaware of how the rest of the world suffers/copes with things like natural disasters. What - my job is to protect people in case of an earthquake (really). Bldgs in other countries just aren't built the same way. And even then water damages/levels everything - espy after you throw in a little wind.

Many people think that there is an earthquake on its way here... To Los Angeles. I think so, too. Well eventually anyways. BUT do we "prepare"? Here we are trying to motivate youths to do their homework, while mom/dad can't because they are working several jobs to make ends meet - the LAST thing on their minds is an earthquake...
Are we called to help them prepare? When survival is already so commonplace does this disaster change anything? Or does it bring perspective?

Or are these the pains of childbirth? Are the in-times are upon us in full force?

2005-10-10T06:53:00.000-07:00

Bad News... or is it?

Well not as bad as the post/article below! I am studying to be a State inspector. Well I got my application rejected last week as I am short experience - by 5 months. I have been told by others several things:
"You should have let me look at your applications before you sent it!" - My response: "I tried to!"
"Just put a co. that has just recently gone out of business down - then when they call they'll get no response." - My response: "Ah isn't that unethical?"
"Well you'll just have to wait." - My response: "You think?"

All things aside - I was really really upset when I got the phone call - which said i was 10 months short! I clarified and got 5 months... And now while I still have no way of separating crying from being mad and throwing things/running around like crazy - I think that I can see purpose behind this all - even if it is short term and I may change my mind again at the end of the day!

~Maybe telling the truth is a good thing! No it is, I don't really want to get a personal audit or lie thru my teeth even if it is only 5 months.
~Maybe God has something completely different then this place for me to work! Maybe someplace closer to home? Or with not so early hours... While this is a long short in this industry it isn't impossible!
~Maybe God's plans are larger and greater then I could even imagine! Yeah! THAT is good news!!!

2005-10-04T14:28:00.000-07:00

Record Death Year at the Border...

Check out this article - it really relates to our groups Desert Waters, stations, experience from earlier in the year... I have found other articles lately - from other blogs that relate that I will link you all, too...

2005-10-03T13:14:00.000-07:00

The Advance

Just came "back" from our annual church retreat this weekend. It was really wonderful to be that immersed in prayer. I haven't been in awhile.
God has been convicting me of many things lately... some of which I will share here freely - others not at all!
I find that the more I want to do the less time I have to do it in. Thus I feel ragged around the edges and in-between at times! This weekend was about time - again - for me. But instead of placing my agenda out there and letting that drive things I have realized the need to go slow... to stop and ask God - are you about this? Are my plans flexible enough to let God say no? Can I hear Him saying no? I am rushing to this and then to that - drinking extra cups of coffee and Redbull and not getting enough sleep. What I need to do is wait. What words does God have for me - in the morning or in the afternoon. Getting focused first. Then God can use the time that I have/am available effectively. And then following through. "Is that your voice Lord telling me to pray for that person?" I want to hear that voice and act on it.
Patient courage...

SO are you an Ark Driver or do you carry the Ark?
2 Samuel 6: 1-7:
"David again brought together out of Israel chosen men, thirty thousand in all. He and all his men set out from Baalah of Judah to bring up from there the ark of God, which is called by the Name, the name of the LORD Almighty, who is enthroned between the cherubim that are on the ark. They set the ark of God on a new cart and brought it from the house of Abinadab, which was on the hill. Uzzah and Ahio, sons of Abinadab, were guiding the new cart with the ark of God on it, and Ahio was walking in front of it. David and the whole house of Israel were celebrating with all their might before the LORD, with songs and with harps, lyres, tambourines, sistrums and cymbals.
When they came to the threshing floor of Nacon, Uzzah reached out and took hold of the ark of God, because the oxen stumbled. The LORD's anger burned against Uzzah because of his irreverent act; therefore God struck him down and he died there beside the ark of God. "

2005-09-23T09:56:00.000-07:00

This post has been in the works for a week!

At our leaders mtg last night we had a very interesting and informative discussion on the Latino/Hispanic/Mexican population in Pasadena/LA Area/the US. It covered so much... we all could have kept talking for much longer, too, I am sure! Thanks Jake for putting that together...

Things that stuck with me: 1. Progression of thoughts away from culture and towards assimilation; 2. Being founded first - then beginning to discuss from that place of found-ness; 3. Our own stories; 4. How to truly become bi-cultural; 5. Significant cultural conversations with the youth.

1. My own family came to the US from Baja California by port in the 10's and 20's. Not exactly sure but my grandma weeta is over 80 and was born here (so you all can subtract - cause I can't - really). She talks more about WW2 and watching the young men leave than her life growing up as a first-gen Latina... I need to ask her more direct questions about this. She and her younger sister married Caucasian men. Their older sister didn't and I only knew one of their 3 brothers... But I know at least 4 were older then her. My Great-Aunt Eleanor Diaz still lives in Downey today. Weeta (we call my grandma) didn't teach her kids Spanish. Apparently someone made fun of her accent when she was a kid. I need to ask directly about this, too. I see all these things as assimilation into the broader culture.

2. Jake's notes on this issue hit it right on! Who are you? We must know ourselves and our issues and how they relate to others (stated or not) inorder to be effective ministers. This includes who we are ethnically or multi ethnically. And we all are. I know for me being multi-ethnic it has raised many insecurities! Like I SHOULD be able to speak Spanish, etc. and I feel ashamed that I don't. From here I need to receive healing for the depth of that all and then move forward and learn Spanish. Easier said then done - but God is truly a good God!

3. Each of us has a story about how our family came to the U.S. I think that they ALL need to be heard - Sometimes I have felt shameful that mine isn't "better" - whatever that means exactly I dunno! A story is a story and people were there - right? It needs to be heard! What's your story?

4. Can this be possible? Can you truly be bi-cultural? If you want to not only identify but to KNOW and know truly - this needs to happen. I don't think it is a line that you point to and say "I am in" it isn't and in/out thing. Jesus was bi-cultural. As Christians we need to be bi-cultural as we relate to the world and then to God, etc. And as people raised in a more main stream culture of wealth, etc. it is hard to truly know how to do this exactly. BUT I want to talk about this MORE! :)

5. Let's keep asking them who they are, etc. Find out about events around us and go! Even if they are about your own culture. Events can give us springboards to ask better questions to the youth! Truly being a learner is a good position to be in. I want to learn how to make Mole.

Thanks for listening and let's keep talking - thanks Jacob!

2005-09-21T07:00:00.000-07:00

My mother's best friends' daughter got married this past weekend in Visalia. Her new husband is a Marine. I had never been to a military-type wedding before and it was quite impressive.
So congrats to my childhood friend Leah Hernandez. I got to catch up briefly with her brother -(who I played with more as a child then Leah) Seth which whom I had a HUGE crush on when I was 11 years old. I met his wife - they are living in Claremont right now... I think it is always a huge relief when someone who you crushed bad on earlier in life gets married or is dating seriously. I think for me that's because ultimately I really liked the guy as a friend (I am still friends with my exes) and wanted the best for him. But maybe I have deeper issues. Yeah I do.

I have realized more and more my relationship with my dad has really colored who I am. Of course it does but this is new. I realize that I wanted his attention and did so by being a tom-boy and playing sports, etc. liking "non-girly" things - on purpose. But in actuality shopping does make me sick - my eyes burn at the mall... and high heels really are painful and hard to find cute ones in my size!- but why do these things define what I think of by the words "girly."?
Yeah my definition of being a girl: Being able to wear a pair of high heels, and work boots on the same day and feeling freedom from having chosen what you wanted. I do have that... but that came more from God filling in the broken places my parents left me with.

2005-09-13T13:57:00.000-07:00

Kaiser (National Facilities Services) received some nice accolades in this article from Buildings.com
And I just know that the, "truly innovative employees" the article mentions means ME!
:)

2005-09-12T12:16:00.000-07:00

Wahoo!
I am back... :)
I took Friday off last week - 3 day weekend 3 day week 3 day weekend! NICE.
So I had a llot of catching up to do - with you all... work is just me trying to remember ridiculous facts about bldgs. i.e.: How many feet (min.) in a corridor? 8ft. And What is the req. distance of J-Boxes in a wall back to back? 24" (or is it 32") argh! And that is just for Fire-Protection...
All these exceptions!

Matt, Rena & Noah left this weekend. I am very sad. Scott & I got very close to these 2 and then Noah came along - OMG he is a great little one. They will all be missed greatly. My favorite Matt & Rena memory is from the NWN video in which Rena is explaining living in the apt complex, etc. and the once in awhile the SAME clip of Matt is spliced in - and alls Matt is saying is "It is really loud!" - you may actually need to watch the clip to understand.
And also Rena finagaling me out of my ring-size. It didn't take much and I volunteered that one! There is always a place in my heart for you guys... Please keep in touch!

I am very much looking forward to Wed. First study of the new year! We all met and prayed last week and ate Chocolate Fondue. It was yummy and very much of a bonding experience! Praying more often is what we must do. Prayer has been very powerful for me lately. I have seen God moving in my heart and really changing it. So while I am (actually really) freaked out about Wed. pm I know that God is there - and even though I am really falling apart on the inside - God is covering me... It is really not me at all you see but God's grace!
I think that at other times in my life i have said that.... compared with this - me saying that was nothing. More and more I can see God at work. I need to die to me and my Sara-ways. It is so refreshing to let go. Die-ing to my flesh and her desires is SO good.

I have found freedom in Romans 6:10-12 : The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God. In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires.

Holding my issues up - feeling their pain in my heart and then stating this... Sara is not that person who identifies with that anymore! She is a new creation!
Show me YOUR motto!

2005-09-07T07:12:00.000-07:00

I had a drink with a good friend last night... it was really restful.
I am appreciative when I don't need to explain a whole lot, when things are understood already. I guess all friendships on some level are like this. But I always feel the need to BS my way thru so many relationships. Say this - its polite, etc. Tolerate whatever because it is the "christian thing-to-do" - I am actually really sick by the christian way to do! What does that mean anyways!
I want to be real and authentic, not suppressed. I want to dance like no one is watching!
I want to love people and tell them what I think - in a loving way. I want not to care so much about what others think of me.
Thanks Rebecca for loving me over conversation... listening and being who you are!

2005-08-30T21:56:00.000-07:00

We think this was a telephone booth.

2005-08-30T21:55:00.002-07:00

Under the Water Tower 2

2005-08-30T21:55:00.001-07:00

Under the Water Tower

2005-08-30T21:55:00.000-07:00

Checking to see if there is enough

2005-08-30T21:54:00.002-07:00

persepctives

2005-08-30T21:54:00.001-07:00

The trek

2005-08-30T21:54:00.000-07:00

Whole group helps out

2005-08-30T21:53:00.002-07:00

Laura, Jackie and Kacia

2005-08-30T21:53:00.001-07:00

Fixing a flag

2005-08-30T21:53:00.000-07:00

Water Station

2005-08-30T21:52:00.000-07:00

Jackie camping

2005-08-30T06:43:00.000-07:00

Sorry guys - i will post the pictures tomorrow!

BUT I found this great article on raising kids... my favorite line from the article, "women need to avoid upwardly mobile husbands." Hmmm since I want this sort of thing to happen for me - would my husband appreciate that line? I love you Scott! Note: That line is not taken out of context! :)

2005-08-29T06:27:00.000-07:00

Water Stations...
Friday we camped with the youth at Lake Morena County Park. It was nice - farther away from San Diego then I thought... They had fun and we shared dinner with the Pomona Pres. church group we meet up there.
Saturday morning we loaded up. Gladys and Jackie shared with the whole group their experiences with crossing the border into the US via their mothers. It was amazing to hear...
I know I had a lot of respect for these two mothers before... but now...

We meet the group Water Stations in Ocotillo around 9am. They were having breakfast at a cafe where we meet them. They are all volunteers from various places as far as Solano Beach. Closer to El Centro the better for these folks. It took around 40 minutes to get to Ocotillo from where we camped. So total it was 4 hours almost away from Pasadena.
We ended up going on the "railroad" route, they have 5 different (or so) routes around the area, not including one in the Anzaberego (sp?) desert. This railroad route followed the old Sprekells train route... all of us went - picture two mini-vans, one truck, one Bronco and one Expedition off-roading it in the desert. It was cool (I got a little car sick).
Every so often there was a blue flag marking the spot where there was a large blue trash can labeled "Agua Water" in it were 6-8 large plastic water bottles. The youth jumped out of the car and checked to see if there was enough.
Around the sites were blue plastic lids - evidence that people were using the water. Every so often you'd see evidence of a campfire, broken glass, etc. John and Laura said that sometimes they would find pesos inside the blue bins.
The water station locations are mostly located according to deaths in previous years.
John has a GPS that he locates everything with. They told us stories about finding people, dying. They let us know that they were not there, doing what they were doing to be political, but just trying the save people from dying. Seems logical. They would find dying people and offer them a ride to the hospital, water, or to call the Border Patrol for them.
They also mentioned that beyond the "line" of water stations they had set up the Border Patrol finds very few people dead.

The impact on the kids was evident. It was neat to see them all fight over who was going to go and see how many water bottles were used up - and replace them. They actually posed for the pictures we took. They shared their own stories freely with the volunteers from Water Stations. They remembered what they saw.

At one point when we all piled out of the car I was overcome with sadness. Just knowing that many had come by here, hoping... many have and many more will. Will there be water for them? Will they make it past these lines to be picked up? I think this thought was on everyone's minds. It was good for us all to take action for once. Not keep talking and thinking. To put it all into action.

I will try for some pics tommorow.

2005-08-26T08:37:00.000-07:00

Self Acceptance...
What does it mean - really? Self esteem, knowledge of your inner self and liking who it is? Accepting your flaws and loving yourself? Yeah maybe...

At the mtg. last night we were talking about the trends we see in the youth at school. So anything from low motivation - taking the path of least resistance to parental influence.
It was odd timing how my studying self acceptance and these issues were raised. I am reading a really great book by Leanne Payne called Restoring the Christian Soul, it talks about how as "pastors" we need to be healed in order to be effective - usually the main issues stem from the lack of self acceptance of ourselves. We need to accept ourselves and all of our issues. Usually the lack of acceptance is received from messages sent to us from our parents at early ages.
Even if these messages were improper they can be re-programmed - by God.
Forgiving and then moving forward, flawed but healed. And in effect if we believe that God's healing is complete - then we are no longer flawed. Those early memories are redeemed.
Therefore we can turn around and help the youth self accept themselves.
Parents/mentors/pastors who don't accept themselves cannot turn and help others unless they are whole themselves.
Hence if parents are telling their kids "college is for white & Chinese people" the sentence is indicative of non-self-acceptance.
These statements are damaging - and really vague as to their effects. Maybe unnoticed - but impressed. "I have the distinct impression that I shouldn't go to college." Whereas other things like an answer to a question is without question just plain damaging. "Mom I want to try out for the singing group, do you think I have a good voice?" "No." - issues around singing develop - even if unaware for years to come.

We as mentors have a role - we need to be healed. Then we need to impart self acceptance towards the youth! Helping them to self accept and not self destruct. These are messages we can control.

2005-08-24T13:59:00.000-07:00

Recently a friend of mine ran into some trouble at work. She tried to press issues and have her managers help her. To no avail. Even though her managers were extremely helpful - there was nothing that anyone could really do! How frustrating.
I have always felt that I have no say - no voice - in anything that happens. My mother picked out my clothes - and when I told her what I thought - they were ugly, etc. she was crushed. I think when I was smaller it wasn't a big deal... who cares what you wear when you are like 5 years old, I think I was to busy playing in the dirt then!
But last year for Christmas my mom got me this horrid sweater that I never even took out of the box. This just illustrates that even though I have voiced "its ugly" it isn't really heard.

Now I am past (forgiven) this stuff with my mom, even though the evidence is still there. I will often default to friends on movies, restaurants, events, etc. This isn't a good thing at this point for me to keep doing. I do have an opinion and it is important to say it - not the one that others like - mine. I think I have done this already in many areas of my life without knowing it.
Examples: My occupation (not real traditional for a female); Working with NWN (my parents last choice); me when I was 12 years old to my mom & sister, "Which shoes look better - these or those?" "Those" - I wore these.
The difference now: I am linking "now" events to the past. God can heal these things and help me change. Self acceptance.
This goes much much deeper then just shoes with outfits, too.
I think I need to share this entry with my friend (see 1st line) - because even if your voice isn't heard - you shared it. God gives the rest. And rest about it.

2005-08-18T07:34:00.000-07:00

Jason emailed us about an oppotunity to serve along side of Pomona Pres. to refill water stations with a group called Desert Waters. They have some good info on their website.
Let me know if you want to come, too!

2005-08-11T06:31:00.000-07:00

As promised snipets from the article...
I tried to find the article on said website - but you like have to login. BUT when you search the website for the article "Embracing Illegals" there is a follow-up article - comments people have made, etc. I can't "view" them though - but I am curious.

Of greater importance then even the article - and along these same lines... I was hanging out with one of the youth yesterday and she was telling me about her anger (praise God) over Arizona ERs/public clinics not admitting immigrants who were dehyrdated, etc. after crossing the desert from Mexico. We talked for awhile about this - we need to take some real action on this. I don't like feeling angry either - and Action in a positive direction is needed. All this pent up stuff - even over a good thing to be angry about - needs to be let out.

Please pray for Reyna & Ely's family! Her mom and step father's work permits from Guatemala have expired. They want to depart them. Tina and I have both written letters, etc. and they are meeting with judges on the matter. The thing of it is their grandma will take the 3 little kids - but not Reyna and Ely. If Reyna Sr. and her husband are forced to leave the girls have to go with them. Please pray on their behalf!

The summation of the article: Kraft Foods, Blue Cross of CA/Blue Cross-Shield of GA are all catering towards this identifiable target group. And doing well. So are the Banks... Wells Fargo included. These are good things. Why shouldn't all people be offered bank accounts and product information in their own language? But what gets me is that there is SO much money to be made off of this target group - but no one is willing to turn around and help them out to get documented? No the article didn't say this last part. It did say that other companies (East Coast) were receiving HATE e-mails reguarding loans offered to immigrants based only off of their ITBNs - really. Hey I guess I could get fired for writing this entry on company time if the moons align correctly, too!

I will add more later - i have been editing this post for 3 days now... :)

2005-08-05T14:11:00.000-07:00

WEEKEND!
So excited to be able to sleep in... and have some fun, too.

I have placed a new link on my blog to Noel Castellanos' & the "We still have a dream" Blog. You should check it out... Lots of interesting articles on Legalizing Immigration, etc. The name is based off of the Dream Act that is being presented in congress to legalize those who have done a combination of Community or military Service and gone to school in CA or another state.

A woman I know from the gym recently received her citizenship. WAHOO! She is looking for a job in Housekeeping somewhere close to Alhambra area. I am checking here at work... but most everything is in Woodland Hills - go figure. So let me know if you know!

Scott and I get BusinessWeek a magazine that has some pretty interesting articles in it... One from last month was about profiting from Illegal Immigrants by selling specifically to them. On one hand sure - why not? But on the other hand it is SO CLEAR that the working class population needs the Latino immigrants - let them profit from us, too! Let them be able to gain their citizenship - not lose the paperwork, deny them residency, etc. esp after denying them so many other things while they pay sales taxes and SS that they will never reap the benefits from.

I will actually quote the article next week - promise.

2005-08-04T06:56:00.000-07:00

Recently a dear old (not age) friend from back-in-the-day left me a comment here!
How cool is that? So thanks DDQ!
There are some people from "home" that I really would like to talk to again - and others who I have NO interest in talking to ever again!
DDQ - thanks for saying what's up... you are definetly one person with whom I definetly would like to catch up with!
To the rest of the people out there from JrHS and HS - whatever! I am sure the feeling is mutual!

2005-08-02T06:33:00.000-07:00

Today I am at Woodland Hills!
The only nice thing about the drive is the fact that I need to wake up a tad bit earlier to arrive here on time... so today I got a bit of time to pray in my car before I came in... And now that I am in and my boss isn't - I can blog! :)
So the game is the same - the players are different. The projects here are on a much smaller scale. The Authority having jurisdiction is a perfectionist who knows his ADA compliance stuff - and my boss knows his stuff, too. So I will be learning alot!

I have been having trouble idlying (sp?) I haven't been making good choices with my free time lately. Calling the wrong people or just vegging out - not being productive. This isn't nec a problem at other times but it is right now. Please pray for me!

2005-07-30T23:05:00.000-07:00

Today Jackie, Reyna & I went to Bolsa Chica State Beach. It was beautiful!
I got burned... ouch!
I got to read a little bit which was nice. Usaully the information I have been reading is technical and this wasn't so that was cool. Even though the book was depressing!
I had a good conversation with a friend on Friday night. She is facing her fears and really stepping up. I told her I admire her, and I do. I want to be able to have good "no's" I am fearful of those places. It is hard to be alone.
I like the Green Day song Boulevard of Broken Dreams. I think it says alot more for those times when we are alone with our thoughts... mine are troubled.

2005-07-29T13:22:00.000-07:00

Once again a lag in the blog time...
Oh how time flies when you are having fun? Or is that busy...?

Well I have a new position! I am glad for a great number of reasons and sad for a few, too. But the positives out-weight the negatives. I was at my old facility for a few hours this am, I brought the guys there a cake... I feel like I am leaving them out to dry with all the paperwork I used to do over there. Since I left on Tuesday none of it has been touched.

We are off to the beach tomorrow morning/afternoon. Anyone want to join us? Any suggestions as to where? I am sick of Dockwiler (sp?) - and Santa Monica is so LA.
Someone mentioned Will Rodgers. So maybe it is a go. Missing Scott already this weekend.

2005-07-20T10:08:00.000-07:00

Plumbing...
On another note I am studying like a mad woman right now for my test on Saturday morning. So please pray for wisdom. It is espcially hard because I have zippo field knowledge/experiance. Well I do... but I am having trouble picturing things like strainers for secondary drainage needing to be at least 4 inches above the surface of the roof immediatley adjacent to the drain, except those draining to hanging gutters. Well which one - the primary or the secondary?

Application of the code is hard when I am memorzing the practice questions.

2005-07-20T09:58:00.000-07:00

Wonder Woman:
Did you know that Lynda Carter (Wonder Woman) is Latina? (she is half mexicana)
THAT'S why she kicks ass!
www.latina.com doesn't have it, but the Latina August 2005 issue has a spread on her! Let me know if you want to read it...
Highlight: I guess she was a presenter at the 2001 ALMA awards and JLo and Christina were like, Well now I guess everyone is Latina now that we made it - and Lynda's co-presenter (Edward James Olmos) turned to them and set them straight!

2005-07-18T13:49:00.000-07:00

What I am trying to be an failing misreably - rightly so...

2005-07-12T07:30:00.000-07:00

Words can have more meaning then others depending on when you hear them - your state of mind... or what the state of your heart is like...

How can the word NO bring freedom... It did in light of the covenant that God had made with Abram. Hagar and Ishmael were there! He had clung to these two for hope... after all hadn't God promised him decedents - this surely was what he meant.
But God says to him NO. My way is the better way, this will be painful - but there is freedom in this. Yeah yeah yeah I know you have no children (besides Ishmael), and you have no greencard, and you are SO old and your wife-e is way beyond her time too - but my no brings the impossible.
Because of the covenant. He will be here during the time when you let go of your Ishmael & Hagar. Grace for that place when you want to RUN back. When NO feels restrictive - needing air. Strength to be resolved and not give up or give in.

Isaiah 60:17 - Instead of bronze I will bring you gold, and silver in place of iron. Instead of wood I will bring you bronze, iron in place of stones. I will make peace your governor and righteousness your ruler.

Lord rebuild my walls - go deeper then you have before - use IRON this time. I am so sick of THIS. I want the impossible.

2005-07-11T06:49:00.000-07:00

This weekend was a particularly tough one.
I don't even want to explain ANYTHING that happend or how I was publically shamed at Souplantation in Arcadia by a small child, his grandfather and Caleb - but that was only the icing on the cake! (For those details ask Donna)

BUT on another note... I really apprieciated this article from the always funny Slate.com: http://www.slate.com/id/2121380/ about summer fashion. So you have to go to all the links of BAD summer fashion. This will make even a weekend like I had MUCH better!

2005-07-06T09:01:00.000-07:00

Time out...

How do you take a break? When things come up and you are forced to do so that's one way! I want to be a bit more proactive about this process from here on out.
Taking care that this happens not anymore. Stress and things that cause it are manageable. Sometimes a time out from life is really needed.
I just hope that there is understanding. You know... I actually don't care if there isn't. I realized that on Sunday I am WAY to much of a people pleaser. I don't want to be that way anymore!
I need a few things from people. Whether they give it or not is up to them. Either way I will be okay with them saying no. I am gonna do it anyways.
That is a good thing!
Here are some words I have been blessed to recieve the past fews days.

Zephaniah 3: 17 "The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."

Luke 12:11-12 "When you are brought before synagogues, rulers and authorities, do not worry about how you will defend yourselves or what you will say, for the Holy Spirit will teach you at that time what you should say."

I believe there will be a connection of the spirit between the regulary scheduled programs and this time out. God only uses us, it is not the other way around. We are only blessed to be used by him. I want to hear so much more then I want to do anything! Maybe then I can be better used.

2005-06-30T15:25:00.000-07:00

Beautiful

2005-06-30T15:18:00.000-07:00

I talked to a really trusted source about a short series of events...
It made me feel better. I don't feel so negative. So self-deprecating (sp?)
encouraging words are so helpful to the self-esteem... a pat on the back, a high five, a smile. At the right time these things are like so cool!
At the wrong time they are funny.
But given at the "wrong" time for one maybe the right time for another.
Funny thing about timing is that God had it right the whole time.

I could use some more of it though!
Gonna get my hair cut maybe tomorrow maybe today. Can't find a thing at work anymore... BUT my IN BOX is empty! Leaving early tomorrow sounds good! :0)
Happy 4th of July... don't wear red-white-and-blue around me though!

2005-06-27T07:28:00.000-07:00

Stress...
Stress is stressing me out... How do you deal with stress?
My body shows the many ways I stress out or rather the RESULT of stress manifests itself thru my body in many APPARENT ways:

(HS) Freshman/Sophomore year: Stomach ulcers
(college) Freshman year: Acne (can I just say that my skin was perfect in high school!)
Sophomore year: migraines
every year after that one a combo of the last two...
This past year my stomach is back in the mix...

So let's just say with the past history that I cannot handle stress. Jason lovingly pointed out "Sara is effective.... but she is still stressed." I thought it was funny - but maybe it is pointing to a larger problem... yeah I think so, too.

How can I deal with my stress? I can take the stairs instead of the man-lift... I can take back up my aerobics-kick-boxing class... when I get the shaft at work I can - and there is my dilemma!
This all ends with a few things... while I am "going where few other women have gone before" it is REALLY difficult! Is it worth my health, peace and marriage?
I dunno. I want to be able to do ALL these things and not have it adversely affect my health. This is why I say no to things and show up late and leave early and appear to be in la-la land!
I am attempting to deal with my stress...

WHAT DO YOU DO?

2005-06-24T12:31:00.000-07:00

I really enjoy this picture.

2005-06-24T12:15:00.000-07:00

Some old issues in my life have recently shown up in new ways. Same things, new flavor.

They say if you haven't learned a lesson that life continues to take you down those paths... I am really sad that I haven't learned. I am so filled with shame and regret. I know God sees me here, I know I am forgiven. For the first time in my life I can REALLY see that part REALLY clearly. This is gonna take awhile to get to the other side... where I don't feel so badly. Consequence? yeah... I wish I could hit rewind.

There is something we need more then words... then touch... then food... then air... then water. It is love... perfect love.

1 John 4:18: There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

I am so in fear of receiving God's love... that I am rejecting it before I realize it's impact on me.

2005-06-21T15:08:00.000-07:00

While I haven't blogged at all again in a very long time... alot has been on my mind.
So I was given some recognition by my friends for work with NWN, for effectiveness. The funny part is I have felt so preoccupied and distracted lately when I have been with the girls, talking with people that is is hard to say (lately) what has actually been coming out of my mouth...

Things at work have gotten decidedly harder - to find time to study mostly. I have strongly suggested ways to make my life easier to my managers and have succeeded so far in getting them to agree and also to another raise! :) Praise God.

I am extremely proud of Reyna & Jackie both of whom are getting to walk at graduation! Reyna's was this morning and Jackie's is tomorrow. Also Jackie doesn't have to do summer school!
I am hoping to get her enrolled in an art camp of some sort...

Dancing was so fun on Sunday! Eric next time you go Salsa dancing can I come, too!
My new skirt made me actually FEEL like a girl so I am sure that had alot to do with the fun-factor for me.

One verse I memorized when I was in Jr HS keeps coming up for me this past week... I dunno where it is from, but it goes: Let your yes be yes and your no be no. I used to interpret that to be related to cussing... I guess it does. But these past few weeks have been more related to how much integrity I have. What messages am I giving when I waver in my opinion? I am not consistent. I know it directly relates to how much time I have gotten to myself, both to hear myself think and to hear God's voice. I know he is speaking... will I be there/able to listen?

2005-06-15T15:23:00.000-07:00

Blogg worthy?
Check out what awards my alumni has been awarded! Or made it among the top 100 at least!http://www.calpolynews.calpoly.edu/news_releases/2005/may_05/hispanic-degrees.html
While there is a spirit over San Luis Obispo (I am convinced) of racial oppression, maybe God does provide some hope.

2005-06-10T15:11:00.001-07:00

This is the Ambulance Entrance - and there is my boss Herb!

2005-06-10T15:11:00.000-07:00

And here we have.... I don't talk with my hands do I?

2005-06-10T15:10:00.001-07:00

Charlie gazing into a future OR